Ano ba namang trip yan? Kapag nagmahal ka ng kaunti, iiwan
ka. Kapag sobra pala, iiwan ka pa rin. Gaano ba kasi karami ang ‘tama lang’? Tama
ba talaga ang ‘tama lang’? Madali lang naman magsabi ng “Mahal kita” kaso hindi
madaling panindigan. Bakit ba kasi sasabihin kung babawiin rin naman pala?
Inalis lang nila ang ‘g’ sa pag-asa. Bakit masakit, kuya Eddie? Sa maling rason
at maling desisyon, maling tao ang nasaktan. Pero salamat na rin kasi dahil
masakit, nalaman kong may puso nga ako. Kapag sinabi mong “Break na tayo”, hindi
ba shortcut lang yun sa “’Wag mo na akong hawakan, ‘wag mo na akong halikan,
‘wag mo na akong tawagan at putang ina mo, lumayas ka sa buhay ko. Hindi kita
maintindihan, mabuti pang bumalik ka na lang sa sinapupunan ng nanay mo. Gago. Isa
pa. Gago.”? Loser ang mga nagsasabi ng “Break na tayo.” Weak. First blood.
Duwag. KJ. Sila yung mga walang forever. Minsan mapapa-isip ka, “Bakit ba kasi
hindi na lang tayo ginawang halaman?” Minsan tatanungin mo na lang sa hangin, “Kapag
binigay mo na ang lahat tapos walang nangyari, ano yun, lahat na nga pero
kulang pa rin?” “Ay puta. Isang malaking kagaguhan”, sagot naman ng hangin.
Pero masaya magmahal. Kahit hassle, kahit shit, kahit nakakapokra. Putang ina
kasi ng pusong sinaksak sa baga na kapag nagsimulang tumibok, Boom Pag-ibig.
Makulimlim ngayon sa Dema dahil may isang tangang naniwala sa tadhana at sa
“Bahala na si Batman.” Walang tadhana, tanga. Batman lang ang meron. Hehe. Pero
minsan, napapagod rin siya. Hay. Nawawala na naman si Orion sa kalawakan. Bakit
ayaw na niya akong makita ulit? Teka, hindi ako bitter. Nagtatanong lang. Hindi
ko pa rin talaga maarok ang trip ng kalawakan. Mag-iisip na lang muna ako ng
sagot kaya... Break na muna tayo.
20.4.15
Tedium
I’ve been here before,
Freezing in this bedroom floor
come summer.
Caught in suspension—
Restless and afraid
the tables will turn in a moment,
God damn it.
The answer is surefire,
God damn it, I am
Just waiting for the
freeing of the
information from that
Tri-tone ringer
That the eastern air will sooner or later cease,
Extinguishing the fire from that last kiss.
Let the sunshine steal my bliss
When the truth spills from her lips,
“I love you” but
God damn it, the time is up.
The rhum spills from the cup and
God damn it, God damn it,
God damn it.
Dashboard Days
In a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the pain?
I don’t know, don’t remind me.
Find cure in my plugged ear.
Still sick from the deafening, dizzying heights.
We were never rescued by the flares. Can’t
Say it was fair enough to be killed
by the climb, revived
by the fall. No
Pads, no helmets. Impact. Be led right
back to the Dashboard days --I
Wasn’t wrong about love.
Power Tripping
I’ve been here for the longest
time,
Seen people come and go,
Seen people come and go,
Most times in
groups
Or in-between
glances, vanishing
One by one. The
cyclical
Strangers,
acquaintances
Friends, farewell,
faces fade into another but
they all have that
same stinking
Self-serving,
id-feeding monster within
Their murky souls.
Constant and
unchanging, unsettling me.
Hedons who know
jargons and word play,
Persuasion, luring
you to hypnotic realms
With fervor. With
zeal. With passion.
That’s fib, fake,
fuck it.
When will these
fleas fly? I don’t
Have the blood to
bear them.
They’ve been here
for the longest time,
Coming in that
cyclical
Strangers,
acquaintances
Friends, farewell,
faces fade into another
Lunatic.
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