MAKATArungan

Ito na lang ang natira sa akin

--pintig ng mga pantig na bunga ng iyong kawalan.

At sa pagdungaw ng mga tala,

Alaala mo’y nanunuot sa kanilang kariktan.

Idinuduyan ka ng gabi pabalik sa akin

Habang kasiping ko ang kuwaderno.

Malamig na kayakap ang hangin

Halintulad sa iyo.

Pinunan itong patlang ng aking pangungulila,

Pinunan itong gabi ng paghahanap sa wala.

Piringan ang pusong pilit umiigtad, hanggang

Mga pahina na lang, sa iyo, ang nakakikilala.

At habang ang papel ay hindi pumapalag,

Inaabuso ito ng nagdurugong panulat.

Kalyado na ang kamay ng pusong makata,

Ngunit sandali pa’y hihinga na ang mga salita.

Sa mga gabing nanganganak ang kalungkutan

Ng mga bantog na manunulat,

Asawa niya’y kabiguan,

Komadronang pag-ibig na salat.

Sa gabi ng mga bigong makata,

Sa pagbagabag mo sa aking gunita,

Aagos at raragasa ang sakit sa bawat impit.

Aagos at raragasa ang tibok ng mga salita.

Pagkat nag-alay ng dugo ang dakilang panulat,

Alang-alang sa pagkabuhay nitong mga titik.

Hindi na humihinga ang bigong makata.

Patay na ngunit buhay pa rin.

Sa Totoo Lang

Sa Totoo Lang...

Masakit sa tenga

Ang katahimikan.

Kapag binasag mo naman,

Masakit sa puso.

Mga salitang

Sapat na ang talim

Upang hiwain ang kawalan

Ng kasagutan sa mga tanong.

May tinatago,

May ibinubunyag.

Magkatulad lang sila.

Parehong nakakasakit.

Maraming sinasabi

Wala namang kwenta.

Maraming may kwenta

Ang hindi nasasabi.

Hindi lahat ng tao

Ay nabubuhay sa talinhaga.

Katahimika’y ibinubunyag

Ng binubunyag nitong katahimikan.

Maingay, tahimik.

Tahimik, maingay.

Walang masasaktan, ah.

Pare-pareho lang kayong mga hibang

Sa palagay ko. 

Tagsibol

Aling kulay sa bahaghari

Ang pinakapaborito mo?

Ihahanda ko ang palete.

Pipintahan ko ang mundo.

Saan ka ba liligaya?

Hahanapin ko.

Kay hinhin ng dagat.

Sa pagpitik ng alon,

Pabugso-bugsong lagaslas.

Napapangiti ang mga ulap,

Kakadilat lang ng araw.

Sagana ang mundo sa kulay

Sa tuwing lilipas ang ulan.

Halika, panoorin natin.

Nasaan ka na ba?

Sasalubungin kita ng ngiti,

Sabik na akong mayakap ka.

Walang araw na ika’y nawaglit sa aking gunita.

Muli’t muli, mayamaya pa’y

Magbibigkis na ang ating mga palad.

Subalit muli’t muli, mayamaya ri’y

Mag-aagaw buhay na ang bahaghari.

Gumising ka na.

Nilisan na ng pantig,

Mga pintig ng lalamunan.

Dila ko’y ginagapi ng iyong mga mata.

Hindi lang luha ang may karapatang gumuhit,

Sa ating mga mukha.

Mga koloreteng mapag-anyo.

Di ko na mawari ang totoong samyo

Ng iyong pagkatao.

Darating ka pa kaya?

Nagbabadya na ang dilim.

Binabawi na niya ang aking bahaghari.

Ating, bahaghari.

Nagngangalit nang maglaho.

Narito pa rin ako, sa kabila ng lahat.

Dito ako maligaya.

Ano na kayang nangyari sa iyo?

Nakatagpo ka na ba ng ikaliligaya?

Ngunit, ikaw pa rin ang ligaya ko.

Ang lumisa’y magbabalik din,

Ang lumisa’y maaaring mapalitan.

Hindi na ako umaasang magbabalik ka pa.

Iniiwasan ko lang isiping baka hindi na.

Ngunit sa muling pagluha ng langit,

Mabubuhay ang lupa

Na biniyak ng araw.

Mga daho’y hahayahay,

Tatahan na ang hangin.

Ang pinakahihintay kong bahaghari.

Sa wakas. 

In Memory of You and I

Since when did our hearts turn grey?

We did not want to let it die

But we chose not to let it stay.

In memory of you and I.

We knew it but we did not speak

Of the coming farewell, ever sweet.

Are you not man enough to say goodbye?

In memory of you and I.

Our desires were dancing in the wind,

Our dreams were painted in the sky.

Never noticed the end begin.

In memory of you and I.

You are awake but you are asleep.

We do not have promises to keep.

Is this a love made out of lies?

In memory of you and I.

Alas, my dear, I will not cry.

I bit my lip and faked a smile.

I let out these deepest sighs,

In memory of you and I.

These photographs will fade away

Like how the rivers have run dry,

Like how there are no words left to say.

In memory of you and I.

Leave,s

My heart sounds like, the rustling leaves, that break to bring pleasantry, to your ears. What could ever be worse, than the injustice it brings, to step upon something, that once gave you, the air you breathe? What could be more painful, what could be more tragic, than that certain fall, to the ground when all, they have ever known, was the sight of the skies, atop the sands, where they knew, they do not belong? The leaves rustle. The sound of their last cry, before their eventual demise. In some ways burnt, in some ways unburied. Let alone to rot, and be forgotten. In some ways immoral, in some ways, insolent; In some ways, treacherous. Injustice, it is. To kill your own hero. Miserable, to plainly exist, without a soul. My heart beats like, the rustling leaves, that rustle to the beat of your footstep... as you walk away.

(k)Nowhere To Be.

You carry me away from home.

You carry me away from, you...

Break this melancholy.

You vanished in the city of dreams.

You vanished in the city where your dream is...

Him.

Your melody is the song of my cry.

My anguish, your lullaby.

You carry me away from you,

And vanished in the city where your dream is.

These condolences, discondoling me.

May your apathy do set you free.

You soothe me, though...

You don’t suit me.

You and your,

Your casual subtleties,

Your subtle casualties.

A subtlety, a casualty...

You are.

You are the city of dreams where I vanished.

Pieces of peace of mind.

Peaces in piece I find...

In my strangled heart.

Lies and distrust.

Distrust and lies.

You lay in this trust.

This trust, you lie.

What keeps you so transcendent?

I vanished in the city where my dream is...

You.

It’s such a damp night,

Where you are.

My eyes are damp tonight,

Where are you?

Lost in the city of dreams.

Lost in the city of him...

Where you vanished.

Estranged strangers, we are.

Such a strange estrangement.

And don’t strangers mean...

Nothing?

My Love Will Reach You

My love will reach you,

Like the streaks of light

When the sun rises in the meadows.

It will slip right through your window

To touch your skin, caress your hair,

And you will wake up with the cold breath

Of the flowers everywhere.

By then the gloom will go away,

Your gloom will go away.

But if rain must put out the fire of dawn,

My love will reach you still.

Through the droplets that fall atop your roof,

Through the moist that slide down from the pane.

As you look outside and sip your tea

And watch the strangers peacefully,

I hope that you remember me.

Do you remember me?

The Ship

Life is but a wrecked ship,

Longing to go back ashore.

In the midst of a turbulent sea,

The waves, they slap in such abhor.

And if this angry sea be calm,

Hear the sound of silence.

It fills the ship that is nowhere-bound

Awkward, nearly deafens.

But so, but so, that wrecked ship

Continues to journey through the deep.

Finding things that it could keep,

It sails, it sails and never sleeps...

Dito, Sa Dalampasigan

                                                    Dito, sa dalampasigan                                                     

Sa gaslaw ng mga alon,

Sino bang makasasalba?

Buhangin na walang pagkikimkim

Dagat na walang pagpapatawad

Ako, na wala nang magagawa.

Dito, sa dalampasigan

Aking pinagmasdan

Bakas ng iyong mga paa

Sa buhangin.

Mga butil ay unti-unting

Tinatangay ng mga alon.

At maya-maya pa’y maglalaho na

Ang mga bakas na sa paglisa’y

Dala na rin ang iyong mga ala-ala.

Anong puwang nitong marka

Kung ang dagat at buhangi’y

Sadyang pinag-isa?

Anong silbi ng mga ala-ala

Kung ibabaon lang rin naman ito

At hahayaang agawin ng dagat

Sa buhanging walang pagkikimkim,

Sa buhanging walang pakialam?

Gaya ng pagbaon mo

Sa ala-ala ng iyong mga pangako.

Gaya ng iyong hinayaang

Anurin na rin ang aking tiwala.

Buhagin nga’y walang kinikimkim.

Tulad mo.

Dito, sa dalampasigan

Sa aking pagtanaw

Sa tuluyang pagtatagpo

Ng langit at ng dagat

Sa dako paroon,

Itong walang hanggang kumot ng asul

Na siyang nagsisilbing

Panangga sa dagok ng aking damdamin

Ang siya ring sumugpo sa talang kahel

Hanggang sa ang init nito’y maglaho,

Hanggang sa ang liwanang nito’y

Magmistulan nang abo.

Gaya ng iyong pagpundi

Sa liwanang ng aking mga mata.

Gaya ng iyong pagkitil

Sa aking pag-ibig

Na kani-kanina’y nag-aalab pa.

Dagat nga’y walang pagpapatawad.

Tulad mo.

Dito, sa dalampasigan

Nag-aamok ang hangin

Binubunyag ang sikreto

Dala-dala ang katotohanan.

Aking naulinigan, pagtangis ng hangin—

Ang tangi kong kakampi,

Sinasampal ang aking kaluluwa.

Dito, sa dalampasigan

Nahihiyang dumungaw ang mga bitwin

Sa kalangitang nagdadamot ng liwanag.

Gaya ng pagdadamot mo ng kaliwanagan.

Gaya ng pagtatago mo ng katotohanan.

Dito, sa dalampasigan

Sa bagsik ng tadhana,

Sa pagguhit ng luha,

Sa gaslaw ng mga alon...

Ni ang aking sarili

Ay hindi ko naisalba.

Ano nga bang magagawa?

Blue is Your Favorite Color, So I Painted my Life with It

   This bus ride is bringing me down. It must be the fog on this window; or the raindrops headed downwards; or the city lights blinking aglow. It must be the image of you, perhaps, turning your back against me amidst the bustling traffic, the busy crowd... under the dripping night sky. It must be the way we said goodbye--- silent, but the silence was not empty. It gave off this heavy emotion. Longing? Despair? Helplessness? Desperation? Whatever it was, it put a lump on my throat and made my knees give in. I could not bare to look at you but you managed to give me an embrace so warm that it eradicated the coldness of the night even just for a second. We never uttered our farewells but we knew that was it and headed to our respective directions. As I dragged my feet towards the stairs, I glanced back for the last time and watched you as you clutched your umbrella under the drizzle until I could not see you anymore. I could not tell whether my eyes were wet with rain or with tears. All I knew was that I wanted to retrace your steps, to be with you once more, and never leave. But the driver blew his horn and pulled me back to what was real... to what I had to face.

                This bus ride was supposed to take me home but instead I felt like I was going away. I guess it is because my home is right where you are. Hence, maybe this bus was supposed to take me to some place else called the future, a future where there is no you. Maybe that is the truth which I have been trying to deny, because it kills me not to. I know not where, or how... but this bus ride is taking me somewhere, right now, where I would have to live with only photographs of you on my mind and the mere memory of your sweet-scented hair at the tip of my nose. If life in your absence gets me bare and numb, I would remind myself of your touch, when you delicately brush my fingers with yours, or lock me in with your arms around my waist, and let that feeling linger on my skin for all eternity. If the quietness of being alone rings its loudest, I would keep the sound of your voice inside my head and listen to your words, ever endearing, whenever I need them most.

             As this bus speeds up, the distance between us grows. It is taking me as far away from you as possible. I gave myself away and wept, as this fog in the window disappears into the air, like when I watched you disappear into the sea of busy people. The downpour continues to fall and break onto the pavement, as if the heavens are weeping with me, as if they signify my pain. And as the city lights blink dramatically aglow, I wonder if you live somewhere among those brightly lit homes so I would know where to look if I happen to pass by this town again and with that, I would feel that I am with you once more, even just for a moment. 

The Dusk (For Grandma)

When dusk comes, does it matter?

It is still sunlight, anyway.

Only much lovelier than dawn,

Only much vivid and pleasing to my eyes.

When dusk comes, is it frightening,

As the darkness consumes the sun?

But in return, paves way for the constellations.

And the stars dance...

And you dance with them.

When dusk comes, is it lonely

Watching her dive down

Deep into the farthest horizon

As swift as an eagle?

You, you long to fly with her.

And fly with her you do,

When dusk comes.

And the skies paint her face

With full vigor and vibrancy,

With youthfulness,

With new life...

When dusk comes,

There, in the velvety clouds she would lay.

Perhaps far from your view,

But she is there.

You know she is there...

Sometimes sitting on the moon,

Or playing with the stars.

You dance with the stars, and with her.

Wishing that these stars don’t fade away.

One Lazy Summer Day, I Broke my Heart

Next time you fall in love, make sure it's at the right time and with the right person. Fall in love when your mind's stable, not just when you instantly go crazy over someone you met. Fall in love not because of lust or the longing for companionship but purely for the sake of love. Fall in love but think first before you do. Sometimes, it's okay to use the mind and brace yourself from the rush of emotions or the tickling butterflies. Think first and think twice, you'll love with no regrets. Fall in love but not too deeply, for in the depths it's dark, desolated, lonely... Though you may not notice it at first. Fall in love but not too soon. It feels better--- a love that is unhurried and laid-back, calm, without pressure. Fall in love but be prepared to be defeated, to be hurt or worse, to be killed, for loving is like going to war. The only difference is that in war, they break your bones while in love, they break your heart. Fall in love but know that it's painful. Of course it's F-A-L-L-I-N-G in love. We all experienced falling as children and gained scraped knees because of it so if you fall in love too many times, expect callouses or injuries. Fall in love but don't expect too much. Most of the time, loving is just a one-way relationship and it's called unconditional love --the category where the fools and the martyrs of love belong. Above all, fall in love but be wise. Don't give your all unless you want to be a loser who ends up with nothing.

How I Dread This Distance

How I dread this distance.

It has taken over me.

Like the absence of the stars,

And the coldness of the night.

Rarely comforting

And most times bare.

It is what we have become.

Thought it is not what we were.

But from that, what will we be?

I do dread this distance.

Because time is fleeting.

And so are we.

Because these days die,

And we die with them as well

---You and I.

Crumbling faster than we have convened.

Unconscious of what we really have.

What we grasp with our hands, we only see

As it falls down to the ground.

I dread this distance.

This distance that murdered what I fought to gain.

This distance that nurtured

Not the fondness, but our disparity.

This distance that silenced me

Despite the abundance of words.

Oh, how I dread this distance.

We can only fill the gap

With hatred, or love, or the deepest longing.

But until then, I will yearn for you

In the absence of the stars

And the coldness of the night.

Because though our warmth lays barren,

I will savor the thought of you

In which I seek my comfort

At all times, at all times...